ALF Biography & Other Facts

This biography was created by an ALF fan club several years ago.

The ALF Fan Club has had many requests for ALF's life history. Though ALF tries to keep his life private, some facts have come to light.

ALF whose real name is Gordon Shumway (this fact alone could make you a champion at Trivial Pursuit) was born and raised on the planet Melmac, to Flo and Bob Shumway. He arrived in Hollywood by accident when his spaceship crashed through the roof of the Tanner family's garage.

He was nicknamed ALF (Alien Life Form) by the Tanner children and actually prefers it to Gordon. Although he speaks most of Earth's languages, many of ALF's customs are unfamiliar and somewhat startling to Earthlings. For example, he has a penchant for snacking on cats and can whistle with his lips closed.

He graduated from Melmac High School where he majored in software and pedestrian crossing. ALF was active in the Skleen Club and was a co-captain of the Bouillabaseball team for three years. (Bouillabaseball is similar to Earth's baseball – only it uses fish.)

Before landing on our planet, he spent more than a dozen years as an orbit guard. Other previous occupations include Assistant Boxleitner and part-time male model. At one time he even owned and operated his own Phlegm dealership. (The Phlegm 220 was a classic sports car.)

ALF's current hobbies are Gerrymandering, audio-animatronic impressions, and eating.

A Sagittarius, ALF is 229 years old (in 1986). "I've got dandruff older than your country," he says. Although he is single, he insists he's "still looking."

ALF – His Life And Times

These facts were taken from the Topps Series 1 in 1987.

ALF's real name, back on his home planet of Melmac was Gordon Shumway. He was named after his grandmother, one of the few women on Melmac, who could split a block of wood with her lips.

ALF's father's name was Bob. His friends call him B. O. for short. Bob has a wonderful sense of humour and does a brilliant impression of Feta cheese.

Back home ALF was an Orbit Guard. A professional Bouillabaseball player, a model for a short time, ran his own Phlegm dealership. (The Phlegm Turbo ZX20 was a classic)

ALF failed as a "stand-up" comedian, so he invented "sit-down" comedy. He often remarked, "It's not easy being funny on your feet."

During ALF's brief career as a sit down comedian, he wrote the famous joke, "You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't find a word to rhyme with "orange."

ALF left the world of professional comedy to join the world of professional sports. At the age of 193, he became a leg hugger on a bouillabaseball team.

Bouillabaseball is played almost the same as baseball, except that fish parts are used instead of bats and balls. On very hot days all players must wear nose plugs.

Nine years ago, ALF was called to serve in the Orbit Guard, A cross between our National Guard and the Vienna Boys Choir.

The Orbit Guard's motto is "Guard the Orbits... Whether they need it or not." During basic training, ALF learned how to pilot a space patrol ship, fire a solar blaster, and burp in three languages.

Like all other Melmacians, ALF attended college for 63 years, where he majored in Pedestrian crossing. He was also co-captain of the Skleenball team.

Twelve years ago, ALF won the National Halloween Costume Award when he dressed up as clam dip, the first runner-up was Spilvey Nelson who came dressed as a ball of wax.

ALF's Uncle Goomer once worked as an actor. He appeared in such films as, "Cat on a hot Microwave Dish", "Gone with the Fish", and "Luncheon Counters of the Worst Kind."

At his best friend's wedding, ALF gave away the bride, unfortunately, to this day he can't remember who he gave her to.

When he was very young, ALF broke his arm by falling out of a tree while raking leaves. (No one said Melmacians were smart.)

ALF owned a pet vespa (A 3-legged dog) named Stinky. Vespas are a lot cheaper to own than Earth dogs because you only have to buy them 3 tennis sneakers.

ALF's brother Curtis, aspires to play in the rock band called "The Soggy Moose." Their only top-10 hit was, "I Want to Brush Your Teeth With A Flounder."

ALF's Aunt Eugene was a famous dancer. She appeared in Melmac's longest-running play, "I'm Dancing as Fast as I Want."

ALF met his first girlfriend, Babs, at a college Skleenball game. He liked her because she was pretty and knew how to crochet gerbils.

ALF's next girlfriend was Rhonda. He loved her more than anything...Including his collection of fine porcelain woodchucks.

ALF's Aunt Bubba, was a tree surgeon. One day she met with an accident when she fell out of one of her patients.

ALF's favorite Melmacian television shows are, "I Dream of Homer", "Bowling for Rice", and "As the World Explodes."

One night, while ALF was out in his Orbit Guard patrol ship, Melmac exploded in a freak boating accident.

Due to Melmac's explosion, ALF's Patrol ship was sent hurtling into deep space. If he hadn't been wearing his seat belt, ALF would now look like Sean Penn.

ALF flew through space for months looking for a new home. He stopped only once to pick up a warm soda and a cheesedog on Saturn.

One night, ALF zigged when he should have zagged and got caught in Earth's gravitational pull. He plummeted to Earth and crashed-landed into Willie and Kate Tanner’s garage.

Willie, Kate, and their two children, Lynn and Brian, took ALF in until his patrol ship could be fixed. ALF also got a chance to meet the Tanner's pet cat, Lucky.

ALF told the Tanners not to worry, he loved cats... Especially with a side order of French fries.

ALF learned quickly that on Earth, people don't eat cats.

After Willie realized that ALF's ship couldn't be fixed, ALF was told that he could stay with the family as long as he behaved. Unfortunately for ALF, that meant no Cat A La Carte.

Soon ALF was back to his good old self. One night, while Willie was sleeping he connected Willie's freckle's with alaundry pen.

When Kate complained that ALF was always shedding on the furniture, ALF invented a fur-covered couch so no one would be able to tell. It didn't go over well, so ALF shaved the couch to make it look normal.

ALF Taught Brian how to play Skleenball using a can of anchovies and a feather duster.

One night, to entertain the Tanners ALF stuck 4 flashlights in his mouth and recited from a book of poems.

ALF loves to tell stories about Melmac. His favourite was the one when his friend Dicky Arpunnzo wrote a song about Dutch Elm disease.

It seems every time the Tanners leave ALF alone in the house, he comes up with a new way to get in trouble. Last time he soldered all of Willie's socks together.

As a favour, ALF once painted the Tanners' meatloaf blue. He thought it would make it more appetizing.

ALF once mowed the Tanner's living room carpet trying to find a corn chip he dropped. Much to his surprise, the corn chip was stuck in his nostril.

ALF once invented toothpaste that glows in the dark. He figured they didn't have to turn on the lights to brush. The first time he tried it, he tripped and fell into the bathtub.

One day ALF decided to teach Brian some of Melmacs customs. No one was amused when Brian coated the cat with peanut butter.

One night, when he forgot his keys Willie had to break into the house. Thinking there was a burglar, ALF hit Willie about the head and neck with a block of lard.

Once for the holidays, ALF whipped up his favourite desert. Unfortunately, none of the Tanners enjoyed it as much as ALF had hoped they would. No one had told him that humans don't like caterpillar pudding.

ALF's biggest dilemma came on the day he tried to clean Willie's car. He had a heck of a time trying to fit all of it into the washing machine.

One morning, while ALF and Willie were in the back yard throwing the Frisbee, ALF accidentally hit Willie in the teeth with it. To this day, Willie sometimes whistles when he says "cinnamon."

Once, after being told by Willie that he had to start doing more household chores, ALF tried to help by cleaning the bathtub. Unfortunately, Kate was taking a shower at the time.

When Kate came down with a cold, ALF tried to cure it by making an old Melmacian potion for her. It contained fruit juice, vitamins and a small digital watch. Kate remained sick, but she kept perfect time.

For whatever reason, ALF has earned a place in the Tanner home. As long as he doesn't repeat any of his past mistakes, like decorating the car with pimentos, they'll probably let him stick around... for awhile.

These facts were taken from the Topps Series 2 in 1988.

In 1735, ALF's great Uncle Farnswado Shumway invented the reusable chinchilla; a small pet that could be used as a party hat over and over again. The invention never really took off after the day that Farnswado's hat went berserk at a party and attached itself to his boss's lips.

The Honorable judge Skippy Shumway was the first Supreme Court judge to preside over a case involving a man who was accused of spreading ointment on a lawn tractor. Two years later, judge Shumway was himself arrested for taunting a piece of matzo.

General Quitag L. Shumway was Melmac's decorated war hero. In Melmac's only war, he was awarded the purple lips for kicking a musician in the G Clef.

ALF's Aunt Wagner was best known for being able to juggle small rodents with her teeth, while she whistled and danced to "When A Man Loves A Woman'. She gave up the practice after marrying Simon Howk, at the tender age of 478.

Bud Shumway, ALF's third cousin, was entered into the Melmacian book of records after he beat the long-standing record for skipping around a bucket of drool for seventeen hours, just to prove that it could be done.

ALF's grandfather, Hickey Shumway, worked for eighty-six years as a wolf shortener. One day he gave it all up to write the popular novel, "I'm O.K. You're O.K., but your Lamb Just Went Deaf."

Bostwin Shumway followed in his grandson, Hickey's footsteps and became an author.

Although, his first book, "Tales of the Exploding Badger" didn't do very well, his second book, "Tales of the Pulsating Elk" zoomed to the top of the best seller lists.

ALF's Great grandfather, Ripweed J. Shumway, was the only known Melmacian to ever be imprisoned for affixing stamps to his parents. He served three years and was released after promising never to paint his teeth in front of a dock worker.

In the early 1800's, famed boxer Aldo 'The Twinky' Shumway became the first Melmacian to win titles in the middleweight, heavyweight, and the Parsnip Division. In 1823, Aldo lost all three titles to Rudy 'That Mean Dude' Frizbudster in a fourteen week fight that left Aldo with three broken lips.

ALF's Aunt Wilma, became the first Shumway to attend college. She graduated in the top ten of her class after majoring in goat lifting, and freestyle fudge-shifting. After college, Wilma went to work for Shrimp-R-Us Industries, as a donut.

Noted inventor, Herbert J. Shumway, spent most of the eighteenth century dabbling in science.
He skyrocketed to fame when, one day, he accidentally stumbled upon a way to improve the already popular combustible gopher. After that day, travel was never the same.

At a very young age, Randolph Shumway was one of the few Melmacians who could squirt pudding. One dark day, his career came grinding to a halt when he was arrested for giggling at a chef.

Famed circus clown, Sprinkles Shumway was awarded the lifetime achievement award for his work in the circus. From 1902 to 1903. He was most noted for being able to balance a pig on his face, while he corrected spelling errors.

ALF's father, Bob was the first Melmacian to gargle with lard in public. After the initial huff, Melmacians adopted the technique and gargle with lard day became an annual holiday.

In 1931, ALF's Uncle Elmo invented television. The first broadcast came on Tarble 14, 1932.
It was a fifteen minute shot of Elmo flossing his teeth with a trout. Unfortunately, television didn't catch on until Shubert W. Fletch invented electricity, in 1938.

ALF's half-sister, Dianne was a famous singer in 1944. She hit the charts with her top ten smash, "I Remember the Day Ol' Grandma Tied Her Shorts In a Knot". It was off of her debut album, "Love Me, or I'll Spit on Your Lawn".

Bouillabaseball hero, Ziglet M. Shumway, was the first player to be signed by the Cleveland Goomers. The only blemish on his record came in 1939, when he was suspended for frosting cattle.

Dr. Horton Shumway was the first scientist, in Melmac's history, to experiment with prolonging life by making tree slugs wear suspenders to all social gatherings.

When ALF's step uncle, Horace, was 173 years old, he astounded the medical community by inventing a way to mend a broken leg, using a piece of beef and a small fan belt. Unfortunately, this combination only worked on Thursdays.

ALF, himself, invented a dance craze almost a year before he came to Earth. To perform the dance, you must hop on one foot, throw your arm out by your sides and whistle 'Became Mucho' three times without belching.

Hoover Shumway was Melmac's worst student. In 1954, he was suspended twelve times for smelling like toast. Oddly enough, when Hoover finally graduated, he went on to become Melmac's leading scientist, in the field of brick swallowing.

At 1'7, Morris Shumway was the smallest full-grown Melmacian. Refusing to let his height get in the way, he went to work at Cosmo's World of Wheels, as a tire jack.

Walton P. Shumway became famous when, at age 284, he mastered the fine art of worm flicking. No one realized at the time what impact worm flicking would have on finding a cure for whale-lips.

In 1643, Sandra Shumway became the mayor of sector 17. On the North shores of Melmac. She ran with the promise of a cat in every pot and a turnip in every shoe.

Troy Shumway was the winningest racing driver in Melmac's history. A surprise to everyone, Troy retired from racing after winning his fifth woodchuck 500 to pursue a career as a 'How-To' writer. His first book, 'How-To Manhandle a Tuna Sandwich' Sold over twelve copies.

Emile Shumway was also involved in racing. He headed the famous Gorgazolla pit crew for 17 years. Eight years ago, Emile was hospitalized for three days after he accidentally spot-welded his shorts to an intake manifold. He was never the same after that.

A dark, day in Shumway history, came when ALF's Great-Great Uncle Mike was arrested and sentenced to life imprisonment for arguing with date nut bread. Fortunately, he was paroled eight-years later, for good behavior and not calling any prison guards "Stinky".

Tennis great, Stigweed Shumway held a record for winning six or more awards for eight straight years. Unfortunately, his brilliant career ended when rumors surfaced stating that he had once been caught trying to fine tune an accountant, named Brad.

In 1895, fireman Gummo Shumway made history by becoming the first Melmacian to stamp out forest fires, by using his brother's feet. Ever since, Melmac's national phrase has been, "Remember, only your brother can prevent forest fires".

The famed magic act of Rebecca and Robert Shumway performed their greatest trick in 1978.

When they trained a basket of lettuce to perform 'the barber of Seville' in front of a group of insurance salesmen.

In 1911, Jed Shumway became the first Melmacian to circle the planet. Unfortunately, it happened when Jed tried to light a candle too close to his nuclear lawnchair. The rest is too graphic to mention.

Dr. Janet Shumway was the first surgeon to successfully perform the delicate nostril transplant on a private investigator. When asked about operating on a nose, she said that she was glad she didn't blow it.

Rock guitarist, Nasty Shumway began his career in 1959, with the number one hit, "I Love You More Than Moldy Cheese". Two years later, he abandoned his solo act to join the famous group, the Sick Puppies, with the addition of Nasty, The Sick Puppies next album, "Laugh at My Feet" when gold.

Wallace Shumway held the record for the longest hospital stay; 187 years for a broken eyebrow. Unfortunately, two days after finally getting out, Wallace came down with a strange illness that made him faint at the sight of hair stylists.

Edith J. Shumway, the tallest Melmacian in history, was best known for the way she could prune trees with her teeth. Without the use of a ladder, she was so tall that in 1857, mountain climber Horton Zik tried unsuccessfully to scale her.

Wilfred H. Shumway, noted explorer, is credited for discovering sector 27, in 1642. When asked how he happened to stumble upon sector 27, Wilfred replied, "I took a left at sector 18 and winged it." Two years later, he was stomped to death by a pack of crazed gophers. No one knows why.

ALF's grandmother, Shirly Shumway, set a long-standing record in 1914, when she knitted various vegetables together to form a new invention; the salad shawl. This invention caught on with people who enjoyed having croutons thrown at them.

At the age of 298, Duncan Shumway entered the record books, after he bowled seventeen straight perfect games while wearing a canned ham on his chest. No one ever beat the record, in fact, no one ever tried.

ALF's Aunt Becky was a librarian, before she was fired in 1874 for misfiling "The Art of Tanning Leather with a Coat Hanger and a Bowl of Soup" by E.M. Fistbanger. She was never quite the same after that.

One of the few Shumways not to become famous, ALF's great-great-great Uncle Herman never did anything noteworthy. A bizarre twist came when Herman became famous when he was awarded a medial for being the most boring Melmacian in history.

Alfred J. Shumway gave up a life of 436 to enter the field of animal studies. After two years of studying rodents, he came up with a new way to cross ventilate rabbits.
Nester Shumway was most noted for starting Melmac's version of the Boy Scouts. He stayed with the scout's for twenty-three years before leaving to write a book about his life. "The Days of Wine and Crust".

Gary Shumway was the first Melmacian to step foot on the surface of another planet. As he set down on the planet Gzorp, he was heard to exclaim, "That's one small step for Melmac...and a four mile job for a man named Slim."

Melmac Facts

Most Melmacians are ten years old before they can hum.
On Melmac, all orange food must start with the letter "T", a good example is eggplant.
Melmac's longest running soap opera was "As the critter screams". It ran for three months.
In 1736, Green beans were given the right to vote.
Melmacian pigs can be taught to spell the word "syrup".
Some Melmacians use cookie tins for luggage.
Melmac's national pastime is mining for yogurt.
Melmacian cottage cheese can double as headphones.
On Melmac, some food groups can jump rope.
On Melmac, saying "Have a nice day" is punishable by death.
Melmacian money is worth double on Wednesday.
In 1633, Bart Humphery's front lawn was proclaimed a national treasure.
Melmacian law states that it is illegal to guess the weight of a fire dancer.
On Melmac, tree sloths know how to knit.
Melmacian nacho chips can cough on command.
On Melmac, Strained beets aren't allowed to drive.
Melmacian trashcans don't have handles.
Melmacian flowers sweat.
To operate a gas grill, most Melmacians had to own a license.
Hawk, the carp, was the first piece of seafood to break the four-minute mile.
A year on Melmac consists of 364 days.... 386 days if you include Sundays.
On Melmac, water fountains are mould out of bran.
Because of certain restrictions, Melmacians can't name farm animals after their in-laws.
No one named Beaver ever ran for public office.
On Melmac, it wasn't proper to dance with fruit.
Melmacians don't wear felt on most holidays.
Melmac's national mascot was a groundhog, named Buster.
The biggest cause of arrest on Melmac is tickling a barber.
In 1847, Melmacians began using the word, "weenie".
On Tuesdays, Melmacians couldn't square dance with mice.
On Melmac, some farm animals can wink.
In 1902, Melmac set a galactic record in the exporting of over two million wind-up brassieres.
The Chief hobby on Melmac was knitting quilts with fetta cheese.
Mary Lee Bender was the first Melmacian woman to wear a parrot under each arm for profit.
On Melmac, waving at a halibut is against the law.
As early as age six, Melmacian squirrels are taught to laugh at wool.
Seven of the over two hundred known Melmacian lawyers were allergic to bread.
On Melmac, dwarves don't pay rent.
Dennis and Debbie Chapfingers were the first Melmacians to be married in a vat of prune danish.
Melmacian farmers aren't allowed to own teeth.
On Melmac, all waiters are named after shrubs.
Before graduation, all Melmacian students must press figs between their gums.
All trees on Melmac were numbered, the tallest on was 42,256
On Melmac, dancing with a mailman is a federal offence.
On their 50th birthday, Melmacians dress up as celery stalks and scream at shoes.
On first dates, Melmacian boys usually go to the girl's house, meet her parents, and kiss the patio furniture.
Old Melmacian proverb "All that glitters is not soup".
Melmacian mice could actually ride bicycles, although they never did.
At Melmacian rock concerts, everyone had to bring their own rocks.
It's against the law for Melmacians to name their children after wood.
Melmacians play chess wearing metal boots.
Melmacians' favorite party game was pinning the tail on the lettuce.
On Melmac, spreading grease on someone's knees was the highest form of compliment.
The amazing Bill, Melmac's only magician, used to captivate audiences by pulling a hat out of a rabbit.
On Melmac, the best line to use on a woman was 100-pound monofilament.
Reginald J. Shank was the first Melmacian to whistle.
Melmac's national bird was a rubber chicken.
All Melmacian barbers were named Sid.
On Tuesday nights, before TV, Melmacians would gather in living rooms to laugh at the carpet.
On Melmac, it was illegal to juggle your cousins.
Cats taste very much like hamsters.
The biggest clothing craze on Melmac was see-through socks.
Melmac couldn't pronounce the word "Ohio" until 1956.
Melmacians wore fresh fruit under their arms when they showered.
Before Melmacians existed, huge creatures used to roam Melmac. They looked like a cross between a dinosaur and an insurance salesman.
Melmac was discovered 23,000 years ago when Harold Twink accidentally took the wrong exit for Neptune.
Melmac's national flower was Roger, the turnip.
To run for president on Melmac, your middle name has to be the name of a cheese.
Instead of money, Melmacians pay for thing with fur. This way, if they spend too much they go bald.
You can't own land on Melmac unless you are over 1 foot tall.
On Melmac, Brussels sprouts can sing.
In 1923, Melmac won its first blue medal in the intergalactic Olympics for freestyle fainting and guppy chucking.
During the holiday season, Melmacians dress up as vegetables and dance with their neighbors.
Melmac's biggest box office hit was "March of the Wooden Lips".
Melmac's deepest lake is Lake Glub-Glub. It was named after the last thing its discoverer said.
Melmac was once the intergalactic convention site for the federation of incredibly strange food groups.
Melmac's only merchandising failure was rubberized scissors.
Melmac's national anthem is "Dance till you drop", by Homer T. Swipe.
The smallest creature on Melmac is a squish; named after the sound it makes if you accidentally step on it.
Pocket lint, dental floss and battery-operated hamsters are among Melmac's chief exports.
Melmacian weasels used to name their own children.
Melmac is smaller than Earth, but larger than a gopher.